Thursday, 18 December 2008


Ugh. I cant stand this anymore. I've binged 3 days in a row now :
Ok only eating 150 cals until feb at least to get rid of all this disguting FAT :(
I hate this so much but i hate myself even more.
b- black coffee
12pm- toast and black coffee
3pm- babybel and ribenaa light
6pm-babybel and water or green tea

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

i feel like hell you feel like dancing

I shouldn't be here. I am here though so theres nothing I can do about that, but I guess I wish I wasnt here at the same time. I'm not even sure I know what I mean by "here".
I should be in town with my friends, instead I'm sitting in semi pitch blackness in my lounge at 1am with shaun of the dead in the background. Not by choice. Stupid brother is vegged out on the sofa with noodles. He should be in bed, then again I guess I should be too but I dont exactly have anywhere to be tommorrow anyway.
I feel really disgusting at the moment. Only Claire and Beef know why. My own parents dont even know why :\It's like I try and explain to them how I'm feeling and how theyre making me feel and I might aswell be talking to a brick wall because nothing ever seems to get resolved.
Tommorrow is a new day and all like everone on pa says. Whenever anyone has had a bad day we just look to the next one or at least try to because if we cant hold onto the fact that maybe the next day or the one after that will be just a little bit better than the shit one we're already having, then whats the point in even going on?
Gah two weeks exactly til Newyear. Under 2 months till my birthday. I don't want to be 20.
It just reminds me of the fact that I've wasted nearly 2 years of my life so far, so technically I should still be 18 because I dont feel like I've lived, being 19. Not one bit.
Yawwwn. I'm so tired, might go to bed in a minute after one more paragraph.
I've started one of these before, got into it for like 3 days and then forgotten my login details and cant be bothered anymore, so this will probably end up the same way, but for now its managed to help me let go of things(like my brother being a bit of a prick earlier on) for like the past half an hour and considering i never have enough room in my actual diary(i guess i can go on a bit!) this is the next best thing....