Wednesday, 4 February 2009

I feel like the fattest shit ever right nowwww. UGH.
I'm the only one that can do something about it though and I really really want to be able to be at a better place this time next year.
I can't believe I am 20 next week. 20 years old. 20 years of what though? I feel like I should have something to show for it but to be honest I really don't think that I do.
My depression is getting me down at the moment. It's not as bad as it has been in the past but its not great either. I feel like all the days are merging together, because its practically the same routine everyday. Basically doing NOTHING. I literally have no energy to do much even if I wanted to. Like once I'm out of the house and stuff I'm fine but getting to that point is the real struggle.
If I could I literally would just do nothing or kill myself even but I know deep down that I must muddle through the bad and eventually things will come good.
Although on a good note I got a new job :D at miss selfridge this clothes shop. A new store is opening in my town in likeee 2 weeks? so yeah the interview was like 2 days ago and I nearly didnt even go to that as I just felt like utter shit (I have like zero self confidence right now)considering ive put on like 10 pounds since christmas :( sobs.
God knows what I'l do when I start working there though like all thte clothes will look shit on me I know that already and all the customers will be skinny and uber pretty and just everythig i'm not.
But yeah for now I'm going to have about 600 cals max a day until march 5th then see how it goes from there. All healthy stuff obviously. :D and try and get out of the house every day apart from sundaaays as I need at leat one lazy day a week aha.

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