Monday, 26 January 2009

Well I haven't posted for well over a month. Truth be known I forgot my password/blog address :). haha not surprised by that AT ALL. But yeah.
Geez Looking at the last posts I really do need to get a grip of myself though. Over Christmas I binged/overate on carap ALOT. Not suprisingly, considering I'd been only eating under 300 cals for well over a month. Give or take a few mybads. So what happened. I gain at least half a stone back. Actually maybe a little over that.
So not only am i fatter AGAIN, myself self esteem is on the floor yet again and my depression is taking over my life yet again.
Today has been OK though. Breakfast was a small bowl of oatmeal with light soya milk and lunch was a sandwich with ham and light butter. Ohh and a coffee with one teasppoon of brown sugar :) mmm. And I felt so much better for it aswell.
I guess I just need to get the blance right. Once I'm more active again ten I'l be burning off loads more calories anyway. Which is what I need to keep telling myself so I'm not constantly feeling guilty for just eating one little thing that maybe I shouldn't of and then just giving in and next thing I know I've eaten the entire house. Its like I deprive myself and then something snaps and its like ive given myself permission to just gorge on a load of shit.
I really just want myself control back. Like to be able to eat a chocolate bar and not have to have another 2 more after that. If that makes any sense at all?
Tea will be something lighter tonight. Like Quorn fillets and some edamame. maybe a fat free yoghurt for desert.
Dad is going into town tommorrow after llunch so I might go with him. Get a bit of fresh air even though I'd rather hide until I'm less puffy looking : sob. hah I really need to get over myself and stop all this self pitying. it's getting a little bit ridiculous to say the least.
eep I am nearly 20 years old in like 3 weeks for christ sake.

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